Andy Rooney 1

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Andy Rooney

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
Andy Rooney

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
Andy Rooney

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it’s probably a good thing. We don’t need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
Andy Rooney

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can’t eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as ‘progress’, doesn’t spread.
Andy Rooney

Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Andy Rooney

I don’t pick subjects as much as they pick me.
Andy Rooney

Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Andy Rooney

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Andy Rooney

Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
Andy Rooney

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
Andy Rooney

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
Andy Rooney

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don’t return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn’t want that to happen, would you.
Andy Rooney

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It’s sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn’t hurt.
Andy Rooney

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever ‘curling’ means.
Andy Rooney

The Super Bowl isn’t for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
Andy Rooney

Writers don’t retire. I will always be a writer.
Andy Rooney

My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
Andy Rooney

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn’t realize they thought. And they say, ‘Hey, yeah!’ And they like that.
Andy Rooney

Let’s make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We’ll pick a week next year and we’ll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
Andy Rooney

I’m in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it’s wrong that I get fired, well, I’ve got enough to eat.
Andy Rooney

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