Ambrose Bierce 5

Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
Ambrose Bierce

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
Ambrose Bierce

Edible – good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Ambrose Bierce

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
Ambrose Bierce

Alien – an American sovereign in his probationary state.
Ambrose Bierce

Historian – a broad-gauge gossip.
Ambrose Bierce

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
Ambrose Bierce

A man is known by the company he organizes.
Ambrose Bierce

Duty – that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
Ambrose Bierce

Abscond – to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
Ambrose Bierce

Prejudice – a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
Ambrose Bierce

Irreligion – the principal one of the great faiths of the world.
Ambrose Bierce

Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Ambrose Bierce

Insurance – an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
Ambrose Bierce

Experience – the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
Ambrose Bierce

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
Ambrose Bierce

Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Ambrose Bierce

Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
Ambrose Bierce

Sabbath – a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
Ambrose Bierce

Convent – a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
Ambrose Bierce

Enthusiasm – a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
Ambrose Bierce

Impartial – unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.
Ambrose Bierce

Wit – the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
Ambrose Bierce

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
Ambrose Bierce

Erudition – dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Ambrose Bierce

Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Ambrose Bierce

Share