Adam Carolla

My first car was a motorcycle.
Adam Carolla

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
Adam Carolla

I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
Adam Carolla

I think we’re getting to the point where everyone’s getting fat and everyone’s getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can’t walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps.
Adam Carolla

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.
Adam Carolla

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
Adam Carolla

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, ‘Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.’
Adam Carolla

If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
Adam Carolla

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
Adam Carolla

If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
Adam Carolla

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
Adam Carolla

When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
Adam Carolla

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
Adam Carolla

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
Adam Carolla

There are certain things women are better at than men.
Adam Carolla

People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
Adam Carolla

You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
Adam Carolla

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
Adam Carolla

Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
Adam Carolla

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
Adam Carolla

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
Adam Carolla

I guess my feeling is is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
Adam Carolla

It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
Adam Carolla

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
Adam Carolla

I am not a good cue card reader.
Adam Carolla

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
Adam Carolla

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